Empowering Tips for First Responder Spouses Experiencing Loneliness
The job of a first responder is all encompassing with high demands physically and mentally. While some departments offer 24 hours on and 48 hours off, some offer 48 hours on and 72 hours off. This means the first responder could potentially be away from their home for two consecutive days missing anniversary celebrations, birthdays, children’s milestones and many other important life events. With the absence of our spouse for extended periods of time, loneliness can set in. As a mental health professional and the spouse of a firefighter with two small children, I have a few tips that I would like to share to offer support to those experiencing these emotions.
Build a Circle of Supportive Relationships
Having a positive support system can help ease the feeling of being alone. Reach out to other spouses of first responders and schedule lunch or park meet ups, especially if you have children.
Get together with family as often as possible, but if they do not live close enough to come to your house, schedule facetime hangout sessions. You can put your phone on a stand while you cook and chat with you sibling or cousin about your day.
Join groups in the community that you enjoy. Finding like-minded people with similar interests is a great way to meet new friends especially if you are new to the area or do not know many people.
Join the local church and get involved in their different programs or volunteer for their events.
2. Nurture Your Self-Care Routine
Focus on the activities that bring you happiness and relaxation. Do you have a hobby that you love to do? Perhaps painting, dancing, knitting, or working out? It is vital to carve out time to incorporate this during the day or night.
Practice different meditation approaches to center yourself and refill the feeling of being whole. If you have children, when they go to sleep take a few minutes to breathe deeply and get in touch with yourself.
As difficult as it is, try to make nutritional choices when it is time to eat. The better you eat, the better you feel about yourself, minimizing the feeling of emptiness.
Engage in reflective writing. When you have a free moment, write anything that comes to mind whether it is about your day or the past year. Wherever your mind goes, let it.
3. Involve Your Spouse as Much as Possible
While their shift may be long, they are still able to talk on the phone and facetime. Let your spouse know when they have a free moment to text or call keeping you abreast of their day. This will help keep the connection strong.
Involve your spouse in the bed-time routine if you have children. Let the children know that their dad or mom is on the phone and can even read them a bedtime story if they are not on a call.
Planning time together is also important. The schedules can be irregular but most first responders have their schedule for the upcoming months. Take time to find the days/nights that you are both free, put your phones away and enjoy each other’s company. This will also give you something to look forward to in times of feeling alone.
If you go to a celebration or lunch with your friends, send some photos or a video to help your spouse feel like they are there with you.
4. Keep Communication Lines Open
If you are feeling like you are alone in the relationship, communicate this to your spouse. Keeping feelings inside will only deepen the emotions, which could put you at a higher risk for experiencing depression. Expressing how you feel is an integral part of any relationship and your spouse should be supportive of your feelings.
Have a system set up perhaps with a code word for when you are beginning to feel alone and see if your first responder can take a vacation day to spend more time with you. Departments are much better with work, life balance and are more understanding of when their employee may need to take a day off for his family. It is no secret that being the spouse of a first responder is challenging and wanting to spend time with your spouse is to be expected.
Consider going to therapy to learn coping skills and how to improve communication in the relationship. First responders can be involved in awful calls and may find it difficult to talk about their shift for fear of being seen as weak. Therapy will help guide the relationship towards being a safe space for both parties involved so that when you do get time together, it is enjoyable.
Brainstorm ways to keep communication open between you and your spouse. Perhaps your spouse has a great idea that he or she would like to try.
Sometimes you may feel like your first responder spouse is not invested in the relationship, but it is very important to remember their dedication to their job and their commitment to helping people in the community. It is a very noble job and one that you and your children should be proud of. When they come home from a long shift, give them some time to unwind, express your love to them and practice these tips. While the challenges may seem significant, with open communication and mutual support, first responder spouses can navigate these difficulties and maintain strong, healthy relationships.
If you are struggling to maintain a healthy relationship with your first responder or are having difficulty managing the pressure of being married to someone with such a stressful job, reach out and schedule your first counseling session today. You do not have to suffer alone! If you are interested in the support that professional counseling can offer, call or email to get scheduled today!
